Japanese women are highly sought after by a lot of Western men. But many Western men who date Japanese women are making a big mistake – don’t let it happen to you!
Let me explain. I have a Japanese (male) friend named Kenichi who works as a high-ranking executive for a U.S.-owned men’s fashion company. Kenichi is a stylish guy, he earns a good income, and he dates a lot of beautiful Japanese women.
One day Kenichi and I were talking, and he said, “Can I ask you something? Since you’re a Western man, maybe you can help me understand – you see, our company’s CFO” (a blond, tall, Western white guy from the U.S.) “comes to Tokyo from the U.S. for business quite often, and he always just goes to the Western-oriented bars in Tokyo and picks up these really unattractive Japanese women. Why is that?”
Kenichi was making a good point. Even though this American guy – a Chief Financial Officer! – makes a lot of money and could potentially have a better selection of Japanese women, he still settles for a certain kind of less-attractive Japanese woman who thinks he’s cute just because he speaks English.
Western men like these probably don’t realize it, but Japanese men are laughing at them! Don’t just go home with the first Japanese woman who talks to you at the bar. You can attract Japanese women who are better looking, more interesting, and more sophisticated – if you learn what it takes, and put in some effort.
My Japanese male friends like Kenichi always tell me, “You’re not like the other foreign men – you date the kind of Japanese women that WE would want to date!” That’s because I have high personal standards for the kind of Japanese women I want to be with. Too often, Western men who date Japanese women have no standards, in part because they have had little or no success with women back in their home countries. These men might not be “virgins,” per se, but they also are not anyone’s idea of a “player.”
Men like these will have sex with ANY Japanese woman who will give them the time of day – and there is a certain kind of Japanese woman who is often willing to do it. For these Japanese women, dating a foreign man (especially a Caucasian native English speaker) is seen as a status symbol. These Japanese women don’t date Western men because the men are so charming and sexy; they do it because the men are “foreign” and “exotic” and “new.”
I don’t date Japanese women like that. They don’t impress me – Japanese women who chase foreign men tend to be less attractive, less interesting and generally lower-status. There’s a reason why these particular Japanese women are so interested in Western men: it’s because these women aren’t viewed as desirable by Japanese society.
So if you want to attract the best-looking, most-intelligent, most alluring Japanese women, you need to adjust your fashion sense and your attitude.
- Fashion sense: Pay attention to the details of how you dress. You don’t need to spend a lot of money, but you do have to adjust your style to suit what a more sophisticated Japanese woman would want.
- Attitude: Don’t act like a stereotypical Western man. This is subtle and it can take some time to learn, but if you pay attention to what the “right kinds” of Japanese women really want – and if you stay true to your own personal standards – you can get gorgeous Japanese women – the kind that high-status Japanese men would want to date!
So, Western men: it’s true that there are certain types of Japanese women who will have sex with you just because you’re foreign. But chances are, with a little effort, you can do a lot better.
Top 4 Secrets of How to Get Japanese Women
If you’re a Western man who wants to date Japanese women, you might not know where to begin. I’ve helped men from all over the world find out how to attract, date and build relationships with Japanese women. And I’ve learned a few secrets along the way!
These tips will help you with meeting Japanese women anywhere in the world, not just in Tokyo. I’ve acquired this knowledge over the years from my own dating experiences, from counseling other guys on how to improve their dating skills with Japanese women, and from conversations with Japanese female friends.
So here they are: the top four secrets of how to get Japanese women.
Secret 1: Japanese women can be aggressive.
You might think of the stereotypical Japanese woman as being polite, quiet, demure – but watch out; some Japanese women can aggressively go after the men they want. Japanese women won’t always wait for you to make a move; if a Japanese woman is interested in you, she might take action herself to move things to the next level – whether it’s asking for your phone number or finding out if you are free for dinner!
Secret 2: Don’t wimp out on her.
Japanese women love “real” men. This means: don’t be timid, don’t be a doormat, don’t be a wimp. This doesn’t mean you need to be a super-aggressive “alpha male;” it just means that you should act like a gentleman. Don’t complain, don’t be negative, don’t act like a victim of circumstance. Don’t whine and moan about your job, your previous girlfriends, Japan, your home country, or anything else. Japanese women want to be with men who are upbeat and positive – the Japanese word for this is “genki.” Be genki. Don’t be a downer.
Secret 3: Listen to her. Listen to her. And then listen again!
Japanese women love it when men listen to them. This is hugely important, and yet many men fail to make it happen. Remember: the main reason this Japanese woman wanted to date you in the first place is because there was something mysterious about you; there was some spark of energy and attraction that made her pay attention to what you had to say; there some kind of romantic vibe between you. Something about you made her think to herself: “I want to get to know this man.” So if you let her get to know you too much, what do you have left? If you’re the one who does all the talking, you’re letting all the mystery and energy and romance drain out of the relationship!
Instead of droning on and on about yourself, your job, your opinions, blah blah blah…try asking your Japanese woman to tell you more about herself. If you can keep her talking – if you are the one doing the listening – then you will ultimately reveal less about yourself, which will keep her interested in you. (And also – women love to talk. This is universal – if you can show a woman that you’re interested in what she has to say, she will love you for it.)
Again, I cannot emphasize this enough: Listen to her. Listen to everything she says, listen for every inflection in her voice. Sometimes there can be subtle nuances that get lost when you’re talking with a Japanese woman because of the language barrier, so listen carefully. Have fun with the conversation.
Secret 4: Ask questions to show that you care.
If you’re on a date with a Japanese woman, make sure to ask her questions. Don’t be too direct and blunt – you’re not interrogating her, you’re just on a date; be classy and tactful and casually fit the questions into your conversation. Try to find out what kind of woman she is; show her that you’re interested in getting to know her more deeply.
Some of the topics you should ask about:
- What was the happiest moment in her life?
- What was the saddest moment in her life?
- Has she ever cheated on one of her boyfriends? Laugh when you ask that one!
Remember – this is not an interrogation or a survey; keep it fun and casual. Use humor. But these are the types of questions you should ask the Japanese women that you date, especially if you have some chemistry with her.
So maybe you’re thinking, “Is dating Japanese women really this simple? I just ask her questions, and listen to what she has to say?”
Well, actually…yes. It really is that simple.
Listening to a Japanese woman (or any woman) and asking lots of good questions gives her the impression that you are truly interested in her. This will help to keep yourself a bit more of a mystery, which will also keep her more interested in you – you don’t want to reveal everything at once. The best way to get Japanese women is to make them feel like the star of the show – and be an attentive audience.