Tips for Using Essential Oils to Feel Sexy and Enjoy Intimacy in Your Marriage


Honestly, sometimes the path to embracing and enjoying our sexuality just seems too difficult to navigate, doesn’t it? Everything pulls us in the opposite direction – the direction that leads to stress, fatigue and low libido. Our jobs, families and responsibilities seem to absorb every bit of our energy.

And the sensual woman inside of us, the one who used to show up with some frequency, seems to have disappeared. Very often, it seems like finding her will take more effort and energy than we have to give.

For me, finding that inner sensual woman has sometimes been very, very difficult. Honestly, at times I’ve wanted to forget about her. It just seemed too hard and too tiring to muster any sexual energy or enthusiasm.

I knew that giving up would be bad for me and bad for my marriage. So I worked on figuring out ways to channel some of my work, home and child-rearing energy into sexual energy. I found that taking care of my health and exercising regularly helped, as did recognizing that sex is important for me, not just for the husband.

But, I was looking for more. (Honestly, I was looking for a magic pill!) And so I started thinking about essential oils for sex and sensuality.

I knew a little bit about oils, but not much. I believed they could help promote physical and emotional health in some cases, and so I started to wonder if they could be used to increase libido or sexual energy. As it turns out, it seems likely that they can. After some reading and research, here’s what I learned:


Essential Oils for Sex and Sensuality


The question I wanted to answer was, “Can women use essential oils to increase sensuality, sexual energy and/or libido?“  After some reading and study, here’s what I learned:

  • People have used essential oils to increase sensuality and libido for thousands of years.  The idea that certain essential oils and sensuality go hand in hand, and that oils can increase interest in and enjoyment of sex,  is not new; people have been using them for those purposes for a very long time.

Ancient Egyptian writers and artists often created sensual images by referring to scents and fragrances in the context of sexual relationships. And the Song of Songs in the Bible refers to scents, perfumes and anointing oils as part of its sensual imagery.

  • While many oils are considered to have sensual properties, several emerged as the top sensual oils for women. Although a woman’s response to scents is very individual and personal, certain scents are considered to be particularly sensual or evocative for women.  Modern Essentials, 5th Edition lists ylang ylang, clary sage, rose, geranium and jasmine as essential oils for sex or sensuality for women, ones that may promote sexual energy or enhance libido.

Other sources mention sandalwood, cinnamon and the citrus scents. Some companies create blends of oils that are designed to promote sensuality and sexuality in women, using the sensual scents they consider most effective.

For example, one of those blends, my current favorite sensual essential oil blend, contains patchouli, bergamot, sandalwood, rose, jasmine, cinnamon bark, vetiver, ylang ylang, geranium, and cocoa and vanilla bean extracts.

  • Oils can be used in a variety of ways that may enhance sensual feelings.  Generally, these methods involve applying diluted essential oils to the skin, inhaling the scent of the oils, or both.  The oils should be diluted in a carrier oil (such as almond oil, light olive oil or liquid coconut oil) and can be worn as a perfume.  The same oil mixture can be used as a massage oil.  Oils can also be added to a warm bath or shower, diffused or sprayed into the air, or spritzed onto bed linens.
  • Different oils appeal to different women.  Some women love floral scents, such ylang ylang, jasmine or rose.  Some feel energized by spicy scents, like cinnamon, or energizing scents, like lemon or orange.  Some women may consider a relaxing scent to be sensual, while others may find that an invigorating scent increases their sexual energy.

So, armed with this information, I tested some of these oils.  Here’s what I’ve tried so far –

  • Ylang ylang + wild orange,
  • Whisper essential oil blend
  • Bergamot + ylang ylang

I diluted all of these in a carrier oil, either fractionated coconut oil or almond oil.  I wanted to try ylang ylang because it came up repeatedly in my research as a primary essential oil for sensuality in women.

But it’s very strong and very floral, so I added wild orange or bergamot (a light citrus scent) to “soften” it. I’ve used all of these mixtures as a perfume (separately, not together); I put some of them in roller bottles for easy application and the rest in regular oil bottles.

I also used a couple of the combinations as a bath oil and a massage oil.  I sweet-talked my husband into giving me several massages (it wasn’t that hard!).  And I took the advice of a midwife friend, who suggested rolling or massaging the oil mixtures onto the lower abdomen (over the ovaries).  After several weeks of experimentation, here’s what I learned:

  • Essential oils can reduce stress and elevate mood, which can promote increased feelings of sensuality and sexual energy. Although they weren’t the magical cure I was seeking, the essential oil mixtures increased sensual feelings and interest in sex – but not on their own.

So, for example, if I worked hard all day, never took a break, worked until bedtime and fell into bed exhausted, no amount of ylang ylang (or anything else) was going to conjure up a sensual mood! It just wasn’t going to happen. But, if I used the oils as part of a plan, taking some time to unwind, relax, have a glass of wine, enjoy a warm bath or massage – then it was fairly easy to feel sensual and create some sexual energy.

Now, you might be thinking, “Well, making a plan and taking some time to unwind could put you in the mood without essential oils.”  And you’re right – it could.  At this point I don’t know if something inherent in the oils increases sensuality or libido, or if they create a placebo effect.

Either way, for a small investment of money and time, I think the results were worth the effort.  I plan to keep experimenting, and if I learn anything new I’ll let you know.

If you want to experiment with essential oils, consider first trying ylang ylang oil or a blend designed to promote sensuality.  If you have a friend who sells essential oils, ask to try some samples.  You can also buy them in many health food stores and high-end grocery stores.


( Please note: This post does not provide medical or counseling advice. If you’re experiencing significant problems related to sexuality, please talk with a physician or professional counselor.) 


Author: Natalie Thomas



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