Do you have sexual frustration in your marriage? Truth be told, many people would say, “Yes!”
Let’s consider at least three basic reasons:
This is the greatest source of our problems! Think about it for a moment: if we had proper and realistic expectations, we would not be disappointed as often! Here are a few ideas we can use to keep our expectations realistic and in line, and sexual frustration to a minimum.
- Stay Away From Pornography! It contaminates your conscience, introduces guilt, and distorts the reality of your expectations.
- Porn does not depict real life! Watching it actually sets your sex life up for failure because no emotionally healthy woman thinks in the way porn portrays.
- Remember, porn stars are making money by “acting”; porn capitalizes on men’s lust, and is actually a curse to intimacy; and intimacy is the foundation of all successful, sexual relationships!
- Giving Comes First! The Bible teaches us—contrary to a lot of mis-information out there—how to experience awesome sexuality. It begins with genuine love—meeting the needs of your partner first. If you expect to give first, and receive second, you will not experience sexual frustration.
Along with this idea of giving and considering your partner above yourself, are principles that relate specifically to sexuality.
If you are selfish, your life will be miserable. Of course, you will have sexual frustration, because your life will center around your pleasure and interests only. This way of thinking destroys intimacy, and it is intimacy that makes for awesome sex—and an awesome life. Willing to change? It will be very difficult to undo years of selfishness—but here are a few ideas: I’ll call them the ABC’s of all change:
- A—Acceptthe truth that you’re selfish and Apply yourself to change by taking action steps that put your spouse, family, and others first in priority in your life.
- B—Becomeaccountable to someone you trust (not your spouse—this will put too much of a strain on your relationship!) who you can share your journey with and from whom you can receive encouragement, and Believe change is possible!
- C—Confessyour shortcomings and Commit to a plan of action!
Want a bit of inspiration? Watch these two movies:
- A Christmas Carol (Yes, pretend you’re Scrooge!) and,
- The Ultimate Gift.
Misunderstanding Our Spouse
Another huge source of disappointment in our intimate relationships comes from misunderstanding our spouse. When we approach sex believing that our spouse has the same needs we have—-we will be wrong! God designed us differently. We must understand and act according to His remarkable and brilliant design—and when we do, sexual frustration will be erased! A few ideas:
- Husbands and wives have totally different needs! The success and harmony of our marriage will be determined by how well we can meet those needs. In fact, marriage is a relationship covenant where the goal is to meet the specific needs of our spouse! Basically: Husbands need RESPECT and Wives need LOVE.
- Believe it or not, sex is not fundamentally what men or women need most—we all need intimacy! Intimacy is simultaneously intellectual, spiritual, emotional and, of course, sexual. Refer to the intimacy iceberg article about intimacy and sex for more of a detailed explanation.