Can a Man and a Woman Just Be Friends?


Definition of Friend:  A friend is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.


He says: 

This was a question posed to me by a co-worker. My thoughts on the matter are pretty much a resounding “No”.  If the sexual attraction between two adults is there, in their minds, they are more than just friends. The question is, do the two have the willpower to resist the attraction.

If you are married or in a committed relationship, you can’t act on the sexual attraction between you and someone else. Personally resisting or bowing to temptation outside your exclusive relationship is a measure of the strength of the bond between you and your significant other.

The secret to resisting outside temptation is to maintain the strong bond between you and your significant other.  Communication, trust, enjoying mutual interests and ample quality time will help that bond stay strong.


She says:

Of course!  Just because a woman hangs out a lot with a man doesn’t mean that they will eventually become sexually involved.  You can admire and respect someone without it becoming any more than a friendship, especially if you have a good relationship with a partner at home.

I can remember one time when I was working at a job in the accounting department and had a guy who had a desk across from me.  During the process of working with him for a while, a sexual tension developed between us.  Because of certain circumstances I knew that we shouldn’t do anything about it so I made up my mind that we wouldn’t and after a while, we continued to be friends but the sexual tension went away.

Over the years you will find that regardless of your relationship at home you will be attracted to someone and through friendship, it will grow.  This is natural and you shouldn’t think anything about it, the important thing is that you don’t act on the attraction and eventually it will disappear and your friendship will continue (or not).

Acting on inappropriate relationships is very messy and causes a great amount of pain, not just to your partners but to yourselves.  It may be fun and exciting and builds your ego for a while, but eventually, the guilt and trying to hide the relationship will wear you down and the relationship will fizzle out.  Then all you have left is the guilt.


OK, so how do you keep from giving in to the attraction you are feeling for the other person.

When you are feeling this attraction, you will notice that you are thinking about this person all the time.  You will daydream about all the scenarios of being with this person and the feeling it gives you over and over again.  It really feels good and you want that feeling more and more, eventually, you will give in to the attraction.

My suggestion is to go back to how to overcome self-pity.  Purposely, when you realize that you are thinking about the person, just change your thought processes to someone else.  If you have a partner at home, then think about all the good things about them and the fun times you have had together.  If the other person you are interested in has a partner at home, then think about them happy together and that person not being with you.

When the whole sexual tension thing dies down, you will feel a lot better and will think “what was I thinking”.


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