Everyone thought I was in a ‘happy’ relationship with my boyfriend but only I knew how lonely I was
In this age of social media where people form an opinion about you and your life based on your posts and updates, it was easy for my near and dear ones to believe that I was in a happy relationship. All it needed was to upload a few photographs of our moments of togetherness, ‘check-ins’ at some romantic restaurants and updates about movie dates. What everyone failed to understand is that not every moment (mostly the sad ones) of a couple’s life can be completely documented and shared on social media. While we looked like a happy couple together, I was a lonely soul at the end of the day.
I dated my boyfriend for eight months. Like every relationship, the initial months were hunky dory. Whether it was talking all night over a call, hanging out together or simply holding each other’s hands, there was a sense of excitement in everything. Our relationship was put to test when this initial charm ended.
The road ahead
I loved him for the person he was and had no issues with our relationship. But he started acting differently as time passed. Things change, times change and unfortunately, people change. I was under the illusion that everything was fine and only realised my mistake when the damage was done.
He was emotionally unavailable
Gradually, we started talking for less number of hours than usual, and I thought he is busy with his work. But then, there were times when I used to feel really low due to something and he was never there to comfort me emotionally. I clearly remember once I called him up crying about having an argument with one of my friends and he simply hung up the call saying, “Honey, I am in a meeting right now. I will call you back in 15 minutes.” Guess what, he called me up the next day to ask about my weekend plans and did not even cared to ask why I was sobbing yesterday. That day, I cried a bit more realising his callous attitude. Soon, such instances became a common affair.
It became difficult to communicate
With time, it became difficult to hold a conversation with him. My opinions never mattered to him and he termed them ‘childish’ most of the times. He used to slyly smile and judge me for almost everything I said. I started thinking twice before uttering anything in front of him and felt more comfortable pouring my heart out to my friends.
Only his convenience mattered…
All plans were finalised depending on his convenience and priorities. His priority list always had his colleagues, friends and family before me, and he made plans with me only when he had no other option available. I started feeling neglected. What about my choice of place or time? What about my mood, priorities and convenience? Well, it never mattered to him.
I tried to fix it
The feeling of being lonely despite being in a committed relationship started creeping in. I knew we needed to talk about it. Therefore, the next time we met, I raised my concern and told him how I felt neglected and lonesome. How he took me and my emotions for granted. After listening to my heartfelt outpour (I was almost in tears), he chose to ignore it by saying, “Grow up, honey! I have a life outside this relationship as well. You need to have one as well.” I smiled back and asked him to grow up! Needless to mention, he never contacted me again.
But the fault was mine
A relationship is a two-way street. If you expect your partner to listen to your problems, stand next to you during tough times and love you unconditionally, you have to reciprocate the same. I broke up with him realising that it is better to be single than being in a relationship where you feel lonely for no fault of yours. In fact, I blamed myself for placing my happiness in his hands, and not walking out of the relationship the very day he took me for granted. Today, I am single by choice. Alone but not lonely. It is better to be on your own than being with a wrong person, right?