“You’re just being jealous!”
Has your partner ever dismissed your questions or worries with this accusation?
If so, it could be that you truly are just being jealous and you are jumping to conclusions and putting your partner on the defensive. Because of insecurity, you may live in constant fear that someone else will come along and take your partner away. This causes you to say and do things from that insecurity and from the jealousy that results.
Nobody likes to be unfairly blamed and your partner reacts to your jealousy with a harsh denial.
It could be that you are seeing or sensing something that IS a real threat to your trust and your relationship! Maybe your partner is doing things that bring questions to your mind. Maybe your partner is flirting, having an affair (emotional, online, or sexual) or in some other way acting inappropriately.
You bring up your concerns in an attempt to communicate about it and your partner avoids the issue by calling you “jealous,” “crazy,” “paranoid” or worse.
Especially if you have a history of getting jealous easily, you might be questioning your own perceptions (and your sanity too). You may be wondering if your partner is right and you are just making a big deal out of nothing.
Here are 5 clues that might mean your jealousy is justified….
1. He’s hiding things or seems secretive.
Do there seem to be gaps when your partner describes his day or time away from you? Does he skip over or rush through when talking about a specific event or person? Are his answers to your casual questions evasive or very short? If so, your partner may be hiding something from you. Keep in mind, secretiveness could be because he’s afraid of setting off your jealousy or it could be for another reason.
2. She refuses to talk about certain topics (or people).
When your partner goes silent and will not talk about what she did when out with friends the other night, it could be because she crossed a line and doesn’t want you to know. Again, her refusal to talk about it could be only because she’s trying to avoid your jealousy, so look carefully at the facts and the larger context.
3. His words don’t match his actions.
When you feel jealous, back up and get clear. Ask yourself if there are inconsistencies between what your partner says and does. Do his words make logical sense? If things aren’t adding up, look deeper to find out what’s really going on.
4. She isn’t keeping promises.
When your partner says she’ll do something, does she usually follow through? Empty words were spoken just to appease you will bring up suspicion and erode trust. If she promises not to text with her ex but you catch her doing exactly that, pay closer attention and find out more.
5. He breaks relationship agreements.
Think about the agreements you and your partner have made with one another. This might be an agreement to be monogamous, to date exclusively or to not flirt. If your partner is breaking an agreement you two have made, this is not a case of jealousy it’s a broken agreement. It might mean that it’s time to re-think your agreement and make sure you both are truly on board with it or it might mean that you need to set some boundaries or to consider whether or not it’s healthy for you to stay in the relationship.
If you find any of these clues in your partner’s behavior, this is a wake-up call to look deeper. Soothe your jealousy as you get reliable facts so that you can make a clear and informed decision about what your next best step will be.