Giving is just as fun as receiving.
Whether you participate in oral sex as foreplay before penetrative sex, or as the main event in your sexual adventure, it can be an incredibly satisfying and pleasurable act to engage in with your partner. Some have argued that oral sex is actually more intimate than penetrative sex, because it requires you to get close to the most personal part of someone’s body. It’s not every day, after all, that you have your face in someone’s lap.
But there’s something deeper than that, too. Unless you’re participating in mutual oral sex, like in a 69 position, it’s typical that only one person is getting off at a time. That can be a seriously vulnerable position for anyone to be in — whether they’re giving or receiving. And since it’s such a vulnerable position, insecurities abound. How do you tell your partner what you like? And how do you figure out if your partner is liking what you’re doing to them?
With a few simple tips, however, you can master the oral sex game. Ahead, we lay out a handful of tips that will turn any sack session into a fun, and steamy, experience.
1. Consent Is The Most Important Thing, Period.
Before you get down to anything, it’s important to remember the golden rule: No sex without consent. Yes, even oral sex. Some people are just flat-out uninterested in receiving, or giving, oral sex — and that’s completely fine. It’s important to respect your partner’s wishes above all else. So no pushing heads down and no begging. If the answer is no, respect it and move on.
2. Have A Conversation Before.
The best time to have a chat about what you like and dislike about sex, oral or penetrative, is before sex — when your clothes are still on. This allows you and your partner to have a discussion that isn’t coercive or cloaked in any kind of pressure. Go over what you like, what you dislike, any fantasies you’re interested in, or anything that is an absolute no-go. That way, when you guys are in the heat of the moment, everyone knows the rules.
3. Don’t Be Ashamed Of Inexperience.
It’s totally fine to not know what you like or to not know how to have oral sex. In fact, some of the most satisfying sexual experiences are exploratory ones. Be open to one another about your experience, so that everyone can be on the same page. And don’t feel like you have to dive in to the deep end right off the bat.
4. Start Slow.
Especially if you’re new, or you’re the one who is giving the oral. It’s hard for us to respond to direct, intense stimuli right off the bat. So tickle and tease a little bit. Maybe lick the head of your partner’s penis before you take him fully into your mouth. Or use your fingers on your partner’s clit before you start licking and sucking. Slow and steady wins every race — even when it comes to sex.
5. Listen And Look For Non-Verbal Cues.
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it can be hard for the person receiving the oral sex to speak up about what they’re feeling. That’s why it’s so important for the person giving the oral to listen and look for non-verbal cues. If your partner looks fearful or uncomfortable, stop and ask if they’re enjoying themselves, and then reassess from there. But if they’re moaning or breathing heavily? Keep doing what you’re doing.
6. Use Your Hands, Too.
If your partner has a penis, work their shaft in tandem with your mouth sucking on their head. It creates a longer surface of stimulation, which can be incredibly tantalizing to some. If your partner has a clit and a vulva, don’t be afraid to rub their clit with your thumb in between sucks. Or, insert a few fingers into their vagina while you’re sucking their clit, and massage their g-spot. It’s the spongy membrane on the inside of their vagina, directly under the mons. Use two fingers in a come-hither motion to slowly work this sensitive spot.
7. Moisture Is Your Friend.
Whether it be spit or lubricant, use a lot of it. Nothing kills the mood like sandpaper friction during sex.
8. Don’t Forget To Add Some Variety.
No one like the same movement over and over again. So, once your partner is properly worked up, change your technique a bit. Take your partner’s penis deeply into your throat (if you’re comfortable) and then quickly change to short, head-centric sucking. If your partner has a clitoris, alternate between tickling the sensitive spot with the tip of your tongue and sucking it. These variations in technique make for a seriously toe-curling experience.
9. Don’t Be Afraid To Give Directions.
Any partner who you have going down on you should be a partner you trust to take your directions as an adult — period. So don’t be afraid to tell your partner if something just isn’t working for you. You can do this in a sexy way so as not to break the mood. “Suck a little bit harder, baby” sounds better than “You’re not sucking hard enough.”
10. Remember — Orgasm Is Not The Goal.
In general, we all tend to be a little orgasm-obsessed. Oral sex is a great way to pleasure your partner without worrying about getting them off. So focus on the journey, and not the destination. Oral sex shouldn’t be a race to the finish, after all. Use it as a way to learn about your partner’s pleasure — and your own. It will make for a much more delightful experience. And if you do orgasm? Well, that’s just a cherry on top.