I’ve been selling a lot lately, in a couple of different businesses I’m involved in right now, after not having been a salesman in years. Some guys are natural closers – I’m not one of those guys. It takes me a while to warm up to a new product and get my process down. I need to flesh out my responses to common objections, get the lay of the land for why people usually walk away from sales, and figure out how I’m going to go about turning myself into a closing machine.
Anyway, as I’m figuring out how specifically to sell in some of the new industries I’m in, I’m going back over my previous sales experience and my experience with seduction as well and breaking down some of the things I’ve long done. And as I’ve distilled those lessons over the past week, I’m suddenly finding them instantly applicable to this article, and this reader’s particular question.
Here then are what I consider some of the best tips on how to get a girl in bed – combining things I’ve been practicing and preaching for years on how to overcome last minute resistance, along with a few recent realizations I’ve had about things I unconsciously adopted simply because they worked. Now that I’m consciously aware of them, I can speak on them here too.
1. ldentify her needs.
A good seller always gets to know the buyer’s needs from the very beginning, so she knows that he knows what it is she most wants and needs. But it’s not only finding out what she thinks she needs, because the difference between a good salesman and a great salesman is that a great salesman identifies needs his buyer didn’t even know she had.
You might start getting to know a girl and having her tell you about herself, and you find it’s primarily superficial, surface-level stuff she’s telling you. That’s fine. If you ask her what her needs are right now, she’ll tell you something about how she wants to be happy and free and have a good companion and things like that. Pretty standard stuff that most men and women would say in response to that question.
In other words, she has no idea what she needs.
It’s your job to find out what she needs by inspiring her. You see, people are all pretty similar – we all want to learn, be challenged, grow, feel encouraged, and spend time with someone interesting and engaging and confident and real. If you can tease out her real dreams and motivations early on in getting to know her via “deep diving”, you can get her consciously realizing needs she didn’t realize she had.
2. Meet her needs.
The next step toward bedding a girl after identifying her needs, of course, is meeting them. No, not like that – not yet, anyway. I mean showing her how you can meet her needs, without expressly telling her.
This would be like the difference between the used car dealer just throwing you in a decent sports car and asking you how you liked it afterwards, and the used car dealer priming you first by asking you if you’d like a car that handles really well, if you’d like a car that accelerates quickly, if you’d like a car that feels good under your fingertips and gives you a sense of control and a command over the road that’s hard to match, and then putting you in the sports car and saying, “Here’s the one I’ve got that I think will most closely match what you’re looking for.” You’ll start driving it, and you’ll say to yourself, “Wow. This is exactly what I want!” You should actively seek to personify in yourself the things that the people around you need. If one of your friends needs a rock to lean on because he’s going through hard times, you’re a rock.
If your buddy needs someone to tell him he’s being an idiot because he is, you tell him he’s an idiot and to knock off the idiot thing he’s doing. And if a girl you’re with needs a sense of adventure, excitement, and freedom in her life, you do your darnedest to give her that in your conversation and interaction with her.
3. Move fast, move confidently, and lead her decisively.
Just like a nervous real estate agent would freak you out about buying a house and scare you off, and a real estate agent who moved slowly, seemed unsure, and didn’t close probably wouldn’t end up with you signing any contracts, so is it with women. The men who fail to move quickly and decisively rarely get them.
When you’ve got a girl you like, and you can tell she likes you, don’t dawdle. Move things as fast as she can stand it. Keep things flowing ever forward, and don’t hope for things to happen – make them happen.
4. Get buy-in: shoes off at the door.
I got this one way back in the day from the guy I learned the most from early on. And man, is it good! Get used to having everyone who enters your home take their shoes off and leave them just inside the door. It sounds silly, but the buy-in you get from having a girl take an article of clothing – even one as seemingly insignificant as her shoes – off at your door is tremendous.
To her, it feels like she’s committing to stay a while. She instantly feels more comfortable and casual. She’s followed your lead, respected the rules of the house, and taken off something she was wearing. And to top it all off, your place stays cleaner. For simplicity and ease of implementation, having her take her shoes off at your door can’t be beat.
5. Kiss her within 10 minutes of getting home with her.
Not just getting home, really, but getting anywhere you might possibly be able to get a girl in bed or even get intimate with her without a bed. Wherever you’re going to get physical, this rule applies.
“What about giving her time to relax?” you might ask. Nah-uh. If she’s nervous, it’s because she’s excited. If you give her time for her nervousness to wear off, that means she isn’t excited anymore, or maybe even has gone into auto-rejection – and if you go for it then, it’ll be too late and she’ll feel uncomfortable and turn away or leave, more often than not.
What about if you’re nervous? Same rule applies. There’s nothing worse than putting off kissing a girl right away because you want to calm yourself down first. And then 30 minutes goes by. And then an hour. And then two hours. And you realize that, contrary to the, “I’ll just wait until I calm down,” theory, you’re now even more nervous than before, and it feels like the moment has passed, on top of that.
Kiss girls within 10 minutes of getting them into your place alone, maximum. Try to shoot for 5 minutes max, or less. Almost every girl who’d kiss you after an hour would’ve kissed you within 5 minutes, but many girls who’d have kissed you 5 minutes into being alone with you won’t kiss you an hour later when it’s feeling awkward and weird. Don’t miss the window – kiss her within 5 to 10 minutes after making it back to your place.
6. Keep your hands moving early on.
As you begin escalating physically, your hands should be sliding slowly but steadily over her body. Don’t leave them resting on her breast, buttocks, or thigh. Keep them moving. This is how you’ll acclimate her to your hands touching all over her body and prime her for you touching her more heavily in just a moment.
7. Start, then pull back.
Long ago, there was something in the seduction community people referred to as “push-pull,” but when you’d ask for a definition of it, it seemed you could never get a straight one. I don’t think I ever quite figured out what push-pull was for at least a few years of being familiar with pick up.
But eventually, figure it out I did.
You can push forward with things, then suddenly pull back. This works amazingly well with all kinds of things girls think
they aren’t ready for you to do yet. It’s the philosophy behind manhandle kisses – give her a strong, manly peck on the lips, even if she pulls back or resists a bit, and then totally let her go and revert to just chilling for a few moments before resuming. And it works with everything else in late-stage seduction, too.
You always want to give her room so that she feels and knows she can get up and leave any time if she wants to (that’s when you pull completely back and stop touching her and be fully casual); somewhat ironically, you make her a lot more comfortable and excited about being with you when you make it clear to her (without saying so) that she can leave at any time. Very rarely will you ever have women who’ve come all the way back to your apartment with you actually having to get up and leave because you started getting physical – unless, that is, you ever make them feel like they won’t be able to leave. That’s usually the only time they get up and go (if it ever starts feeling very awkward to the other).
Then, after a brief break, you resume. Then, you take another break. Then you resume again. And so on, until the two of you at last go to bed as lovers or she becomes certain that yes, this is definitely what she wants, and begins attacking you with as much certainty and ardor as you do her.
8. Address objections simply without getting logical.
Unlike with selling cars, you absolutely do not want to logically address a woman’s concerns during a seduction. Why? Because logic sets off alarms to women that a man’s being manipulative.
The quick and dirty rationale behind that is that it’s very easy to lie, and so women are programmed to become cautious around men who might potentially be doing that. So, women respond far better to men who address their concerns with confidence and charm, which is much harder to fake than logic.
In response to, “This is too fast for me,” you can smile and say, “I think the speed is just right. Or are you smiling for some other reason?” In response to, “I don’t even know you!” you can get in close and whisper,
“Yes you do. I’m me.”
To a man, those might sound silly.
But to a woman, who’s trying to calm her sudden indecision at the point of the sale, some soothing words from the confident man she’s about to become lovers with is often exactly what she needs to relax and open herself up to intimacy. Said slowly with a sexy voice and sexy smile, these will often be enough to completely disarm the women in your bed, and you may not even need to pull out the big guns – steps 9 and 10.
9. Use “bursts of passion.”
A tool that I discovered toward the end of last year was something I termed “bursts of passion”. Basically, with a girl who’s being resistant and not letting you proceed with a seduction (but still sticking around and obviously into you – if she wasn’t, she’d leave), you suddenly launch into an all-out burst of passionate kissing, touching, stroking, and caressing, firmly and lustfully, as though you’ve suddenly been overcome and cannot control your desire for her.
This takes even the most level-headed women and melts them in the intense pleasure and arousal of the moment, and allows you to move things forward, if only momentarily before they regain control of their senses again.
But, if you do this in conjunction with the next step, there’s a very good chance you’ll make a permanent gain in moving the seduction forward.
10. Hit milestones.
One of the weird things about psychology is the concept of “walls,” and how, once you’ve climbed them, you’ve hit a milestone where suddenly the person who’s wall’s been climbed feels that things have changed. For instance, if you’re trying to drive home drunk and I’m trying to stop you, the major wall we need to climb is for me to get your keys. Once your keys are in my hand, you’re going to feel very strongly and absolutely that you’ve given into my desire for you to not drive drunk and you’ll be a lot more likely to stop trying to drive yourself home than if I let you hang onto your keys and didn’t take them.